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Grew up conservative and now have hangups

joel lious

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 Hi Guys I'm new to this group and just wanted to introduce myself.(thought about a year ago i was fairly active I took a break from the server and am just now returning) I'm in a very unsure place in my life right now. I'm not sure how I feel about sexual behavior. I grew up with it being a super unhealthy environment where it was always considered bad. I more or less always have masturbated or watched porn, but there was always a lot of guilt involved.

Lately Ive been trying become more comfortable with it. Ive been watching porn more often. Ive also been seeking out online sexual encounters with women though with the understanding that i'm nervous and not at all kinky. Its been a pretty mixed bag and I have a lot of guilt. That said its been good to be able to talk openly about sex, likes, dislikes, fantasies, ect.

So the reason I'm posting is this. Is this really a good plan? To just try to normalize how I feel and remove the guilt just by powering through. I mean i certainly enjoy the behavior and sometimes feel less guilt, but at the same time I don't know if this is the way to work on the issue.

I feel like I can only really explore this online at the moment, because I have so much nervousness. Obviously I'm super nervous and have some anxiety about all of this. That said, I'm 26, I feel like I should work on these issues.

Ive been thinking.I think one of my biggest frustrations is that, I feel like a creep by seeking out sexual stuff online. Whatever form that may take (interactive or not). I'm not sure how to seek it out without feeling a little slimy, even if I'm not actually doing anything wrong. I'm respectful, upfront, careful to understand and not cross boundaries. but despite all that there is a little bit of a feeling i get on sites like reddit or whatever when I'm seeking out anything, especially if it involves another person. I don't know how to shake that and thats actually what bothers me quite a bit. I know its not wrong to want to interact sexually, I know its normal, and I am very respectful in the way I approach it. But I always feel like I will be judged for it, or that I will be put in a box like "oh he is just another guy who only wants in my pants" even if I also want to know them as a person.


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